Being a mom is the best thing ever. I genuinely feel so blessed to have been chosen and trusted enough by God to take on this huge, everlasting responsibility. I know that i was chosen and trusted because when i found out, abortion was on my list of options (judge me, i don't care) and I asked God to clearly show me what i needed to do. He gave me a dream that felt so real and was so clear that I knew from that moment on that I was choosing to accept the blessing He had given me. Although there have been some EXTREMELY low points in my life over the last 3 years, being a mother has always been the piece of me I have felt the most happiness. In fact, I became a happier person when Kiyah arrived.
Sometimes parenting is hard. When I say that I don't mean the finances, the broken homes, the boo boo's, the sacrifices--none of that. I mean it in the sense of at 26 years old, I am who I am, I know who I am, I'm comfortable with who I am and at 3 years old my child is figuring out what the hell she is supposed to do every day, who she is, what she likes, what she's allowed to do and how much she can actually get away with whether or not she is aware that I can see her..like when she's hiding under the table putting lip gloss on after I've already told her to clean her toys up at least 5 times.
She goes through these bursts of bad behavior every 2 months or so. I will call them Toddler Spells. When she is under a Toddler Spell it lasts anywhere from 2 weeks to 1 month and I literally just want to send her to her dad's house until its over. I don't do it, obviously but I think about it during every corner time she has. Which is at least 7 times a day during this time.
Let me give you a small taste of what happens during a Toddler Spell. If i say "be quiet" because I'm on the phone or because she is just too loud or for any other reason an adult may tell a child to be quiet, she literally talks louder, you guys. In a typical life, by typical I mean non Toddler Spell life, she has no problem putting her boots on, so long as I place them in front of her correctly so that they are on the correct feet. Today though, in true Toddler Spell fashion, she had a full blown tantrum and said she couldn't do it. Has she lost her mind?! I have. I wanted to leave lol. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with the tears, the screaming, the kicking, the weird yelling that occured because I chose not to entertain the tantrum, none of it. Now, before you fix your mind to think " why don't you be the parent and discipline your child" , I do. Outside of Toddler Spells, she knows what it is. She knows what her behavior should be like, she knows how to put her frikkn boots on, she knows she needs to use her words, and she for the most part knows the consequences to her actions. Behavior is my thing...like i literally work on behaviors for a living, so that's not the issue.
I have 2 friends who babysit her from time to time, both in which she absolutely adores, doesn't usually mind if I drop her off and go do whatever it is I need to do, and doesn't cry when I drop her off. During Toddler Spells ✋ please. She cries her eyes out, makes me feel like the worst parent in the entire world for leaving her, tells me how much she's going to miss me and climbs up my leg because she thinks if I'm holding her I won't leave. It's ridiculous really.
After every incident during the duration of the Toddler Spell, she apologizes 😂. Today for example, she said "I'm sorry for being a cry baby in the house, you fo-gib me?" Ugh. Well of course I have to forgive her after that lol she just proved my theory that she's under a spell and can't help it lol. We have about another week of this left. But I won't be mad at all if it wears off early. But I thought it'd only be right if I came here to vent about the not so great times as a parent because I know someone else out there goes through it too.
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